with each heartbeat

There is finally hope, a light at the end of the tunnel

I am finally getting my joy back

And it feels so refreshing, as if I am really breathing for the first time in 4 months

I don't know what changed, there was no conscious decision

On the brink of giving up and walking away it all started getting better

Instead of finding every negative part of my day, I am searching for the positive

I would love to say that there was some huge moment and now life is fantastic and their no repercussions for the way I have been living my life

But their are consequences to every action, and the habits that have been formed may now be broken, possibly again or for the first time

But then again, I don't want anything dramatic and emotional, I want a steady change and conviction.

I am not all of the sudden going to be bouncing off the walls with joy, ready to reclaim my spot in life

I am however ready for a deeply personal re connection with God in which I slowly rebuild my life and look to the places where I have fallen and work to fix each one.

I have not found my public joy but my personal joy, the stuff that makes me smile to myself and feel warm inside, as if I can feel my heart warm inside my chest. 

I am well aware of the fact that it is going to be painful, but I want this. I say I want to live in the truth and to do that I need to find out what the truth is in my life

I already realize how much I have learned from my failure. Where I am lacking and what I need more of. Just how much I am an introvert and just how much my past continues to hurt me and how much harder it is to forgive people.

I also discovered that I have learned a lot over the past  years and that my ability to trust has grown so much more than I had imagined. That I am not the same person I used to be, I love the new more critical thinker that I have become. I am still wildly passionate, but I can now back up my ideas with the research and ideas I have learned about. My passions are no longer empty emotions, but attainable goals and things that can lead to change if I pursue them. 

I am not the woman I imagined I would be but that is not the point, I am becoming the woman I was intended to be and taking a much different path then expected, leading to the same goal but taking a different root.

And with each heartbeat I can move closer to the plans he has for me, my hope and my future

My Analytic Perspective on Kony 2012

To begin this I would like to warn all readers that this is my perspective and it may offend you, it is also going to be on a lot of different issues you may not be aware of and that you may not agree of. But if university has taught me one thing it is to look at issues critically and with a educational perspective. I do not claim to be an expert in this topic and I do wish to learn more but I feel the need to use what I have learned and apply it to my life.

Simplicity:
This video oversimplifies a very complex issue in a very complex country. Uganda is a broken country that has a long history of colonization and war between the very divided Christian and Muslim religions. Yes, Kony has been a terror to that nation and the issue of child soldiers breaks my heart and yes he needs to be held accountable for his atrocities. There is also the simple issue of the fact that Kony is not even in Uganda anymore, which makes me wonder how many other facts were skimmed over to make the video more simple. But, with that said, we also need to look at the issue surrounding the Ugandan army. Invisible children says they want to work with them but the Ugandan army is known for raping and looting, something that Invisible Children are trying so hard to fight against. They take the issue of child soldiers and an existing problem, for the past 26 years and saying it is something that can be easily solved.

Invisible Children:
The invisible children are a controversial organization to begin with, their finances have been questioned as there seems to be a large amount of funds that go towards administrative costs and not as much towards the actual programs. And that bothers me because I want the money that I am giving to be going towards the people that need it most. I also have an issue with the fact that they say now is the time to make a change and make it sound like they are the first ones to bring light to this issue. There are many different well established organizations within Uganda that have been working towards freeing these children soldiers and towards the plethora of issues in that country. Where is there recognition and the realization that they have made an impact and are still working hard, not for the recognition but to help make a change.

Racism:
This is the part that is going to bother people and you may not recognize because it isn't overtly stated. But if you look it can be seen in the amount of white people that are portrayed as the saviours of those in Uganda. There are hints at the 'white man's burden', that insinuates that we need to save them because they are the victims that can't help themselves. That is not the mentality that we need to have, we need to use our resources to come in and work with the organizations they have and work with them, not do the work for them. It is the us vs. them mentality that led to colonization and has destroyed indigenous cultures. When countries went into nations and said that they needed help and said they had the best way and needed to 'fix' the locals and that we know best. That is what bothers me most, and makes me the most uncomfortable.
There is also the issue with the individualism of the situation, the narrator talks about all HE did and uses I and ME and look at all I have accomplished and aren't I amazing. The way he explains it to his son and the focus on them for so long when that is not supposed to be the point of the video.

Sexism:
I know what you are thinking, typical feminist, finds the sexism in everything but I do see some definite discrimination. The first one that I see is the fact that when the narrator talks about his issues with his son or shows him growing up we see twice that he also has a daughter but she is never seen and why is that? Why is his son the one that is privileged in getting an explanation as to what his father does and gets the opportunity to be starred in the movie. The other I see is just the lack of women within the video, where are the mothers and grandmothers that have been fighting for these children and have been so involved in the fight for the next generation. Where are the women and why aren't they worthy of our time?

I have more questions then answers and to find out these answers much more analysis is needed.

I don't know exactly what I am trying to say and this is just my perspective on a personal level and as a student desiring to have a more critical perspective on the world. I want to make more informed decisions and I want to begin to understand where I stand in the world and if I don't agree with something I want to learn how to portray my ideas and becomes a more well informed individual.

Also: I think this blog post gives a good Christian perspective in my opinion. http://jamesmccarty.wordpress.com/2012/03/07/christian-ethics-invisible-children-kony-2012-and-international-advocacy/