He is the Love of my life

thin white lines are a reminder of a past I will always carry with me, of a time that may have been years ago but still sits at the surface; a constant reminder of who I was. A reminder of who I could become again. I sit and look at thin white lines that fade as each day passes and think about all I have been through, all the strength I have. So often I look at the negative and forget to see the positive; the fact that when I was at my lowest, covered in my own sin my God came down and picked me up. He taught me how to live, love and laugh again. He showed me what grace is and that it is all I ever need. I always wonder why we always need to see the negative in a situation and not see all the amazing things that can come out of it. Instead of looking at all the sin I used to be covered in why not look at all the joy I'm surrounded with now. There comes a time when I need to get rid of the shame I feel over my past and instead look at all the people around me that I can help with my story. Instead of looking at all the hurt that came from those scars, look at love written on my arm for all to see. It's time for me to get over my fear of what everyone else is going to think of me, of what the church might say but be sure of all that God has spoken into my life. The only judgement that I need to worry about is his.

Just Look Around

Ever have those days when all you want to do is reminisce? Just get lost in past memories and forget all about everything going on around you? That’s all that I ever seem to be doing lately, I have gotten so stuck in the past that I have forgotten to look around me now. I am missing out on everyday because I think that the past is more exciting and to be honest it was. Sometimes I will spend 2 hours just looking at pictures of a time that I know I can't go back to but I want to so badly. I choose not to look at all the awesome things around me right now because I don't want to believe that anything can be as good as that time in my life. But, that isn't what God has for me. He wants me to enjoy the time I am in now. He didn't set me here to just mope around hoping the next 5 years will go as quickly as possible. I am supposed to be his light wherever I am. He is relying on me to show his light to those who haven't seen it. I don't have the right to sit around being depressed about where I am not but look at the adventures all around me, in the everyday. He has great things for me but I have to be willing to look. I am supposed to find joy in those around me, not people live thousands of miles away. I don’t have the right to be jealous of those that are continuing their adventures but be happy that, that is where God has called them for this period in their life. I need to wipe off the self pity and just look around.

you beautiful princess

This is something I wrote after having worked in the slums of India. It broke my heart to see these little girls living in such desperate conditions. I wanted to take them home with me. Sometimes it takes something big to bring around enough emotion to really produce some great writing.


as i smile down at you i am dying inside. dying to take you home with me and give you the world. to give you parents who love you. to sell the clothes off my back for you.
but as i think all this i stop...as God quietly whispers to me that he has so much more love and stored up treasures for his daughter then i could ever imagine.
so as i stand there holding you singing in your ear and thinking about this i realize that God has put me in your life to be a light for you. he has given me the responsibility to be a little piece of Jesus in your life.
as i realize this i shake off all my exhaustion and sing a little louder and act a little crazier and give you all the love i have in my heart.
as i carry you around singing songs in a language you don't understand i stare into your eyes and realize you have captured a little piece of my heart. know that you will always carry me around in those eyes.
you are so beautiful and even when i can't talk to you and i will never see you again, i will always carry you in my heart. as i sit here crying for you i realize just how much a little girl has taught me about love.
i would come back to this country just for you and i would give up all the sleep i want right now just for you.
you are my beautiful princess.

When all we have is faith and the bible

This is something I wrote while in India. I was feeling inspired and this is what came of it. It is one of my favorite things I have ever written.

As i sat the other day washing clothes in dirty water with shampoo i started to think how i got to this point. How does a middle class, white, 18 year old girl, who's led a pretty cushioned life end up in India with no money, 6 other people from 5 different countries and happy as can be. i mean who would have thought that i would give up everything and end up with nothing in the eyes of the world. i mean i shower in dirty, cold water, flush my toilet by dumping a bucket of water down it and i wash all my clothes by hand. For the rest of the world this makes no sense but for me and so many Christians i know this is so normal!
i don't remember what a comfy bed feels like, what clean clothes smell like or what it's like to drive or cross the road without the fear dying is like. eating 3 regular meals a day hasn't happened for a while and i have no sense of time. but as i look back on these last 3 months living out of a suitcase on other people's floors, i realize these are some of the best times i have had in my whole life. i've never smiled or laughed as much as i have here. i've cried so much and i've been free to do that. i've had amazingly deep and amazingly funny talks with people that i never would have met in normal circumstances. And i've seen God work in every single second of it. i've seen him work in all our lives and i've seen him work through all of us.
so even as the last month approaches and i still don't have the slightest idea of what i am doing in the future i am beginning to realize that it doesn't really matter. it's easier said then done not to worry but as i look back and see how God has moved in these months i know that he and i will be going places. it really doesn't matter to me anymore if i have a closet or nice clothes or money, because as nice as they are to have, i have seen God do huge things without all that in the way. if he can do all this when i'm 18 in 6 months i can't imagine what else he has in store. And the only prerequisites i need are faith in him and bible at hand.

Just the beginning

I guess I should start with some typical beginning to this blog, but to be honest I'm not a great writer. I just really want a place to put all my writing. Sometimes I just have so many thoughts they have to be written down and shared with someone. Sometimes they are poetic but sometimes they are beyond random. I really don't know how many people are going to read this but it feels good to put it on paper or the internet. I don't think I am going to update this everyday but I am going to start by posting some of my old stuff that I really like and after that I will see where it goes.