Letting Go

I'm scared.
I've realized how hard that is for me to admit as I am saying it out loud more and more often
The future scares me and makes me so nervous
But that is just a demonstration that I am not trusting God completely
I know he has it figured out and I don't need some arbitrary GPA to determine if I will get into the program that I need to be in
God will get me where I need to go
And maybe I don't know where that is, that is fine, it means I have to surrender
Which I can do, it just takes a lot of prayer and some support
But I have some amazing people who support me and talk me down from the ledges I put myself on
Freaking out about the future and worrying
I need to enjoy the moment I am in and realize that God has it under control
I just need to let go

When everything gets switched around

Do you ever just get hit with this self awareness that just knocks you off your feet?
You are walking around and everything is fine and than you acknowledge some thought and you are hit with the overwhelming truth behind the statement
And it isn't a fun feeling, everything felt normal and now there is no getting away from this new revelation
Not like you didn't know this before, it is nothing new, but it was in a box tucked away in the dark recesses of self denial
I mean everything was fine I was in no need of this overwhelming and ever present thought
But there is no closing that box once it has been opened
No shoving it back in the corner and letting it collect dust
It is there, center stage, no ignoring what needs to be dealt with
How do you begin to deal with this well hidden idea?
With this truth that you never wanted to acknowledge was a truth?
It gets into every thought and every action, takes your perception of the world and shakes it up
Now everything is off balance
It was all going according to plan
And now, well now it has all changed