People surprise me more often than not, especially myself
Parents who accept things that I had kept hidden in shame
The people who love me no matter what, even when I have hard time loving myself
And myself for loving company when traveling
Realizing that I wouldn't have been able to do this whole trip alone
Being forced to humble myself and acknowledge my dependence on others
For being so fearful of being alone
The introvert of introverts missing conversation
Maybe I just don't want to be alone with my thoughts
Unable to trust myself, that I know what I am doing, instead be in riddled with anxiety about getting to the next two weeks
Being terrified and with no one to turn to having to turn to God.
And realizing how long it has been since I have truly done that
Having two weeks to come face-to-face with who I have become and if that is who I want to be
Confronted with an intellect that has caused me to walk away from a faith that has saved me
How to reconcile two years of wandering
What does it look like to come back after all that time?
And more than that how to humble myself to admitting that I need that. To stop pretending and turn to face my maker
What will that look like? Without a bible with me will I really try or just feign attempts?
Will I be honest with myself and work at it?
Will I turn to those I love and ask for their help and be honest about my situation
No longer able to hide in school but pushed into this vast and foreboding world
Without a direction or an anchor
Too much change for this simple girl
Too scared at night laying in the silence of independence
I've got exactly what I want and I want to give it back
All talk but when the action time comes scared stiff and lonely.
It makes me realize how blessed I have been with the small but incredible group of people I have in my life.
Parents who accept things that I had kept hidden in shame
The people who love me no matter what, even when I have hard time loving myself
And myself for loving company when traveling
Realizing that I wouldn't have been able to do this whole trip alone
Being forced to humble myself and acknowledge my dependence on others
For being so fearful of being alone
The introvert of introverts missing conversation
Maybe I just don't want to be alone with my thoughts
Unable to trust myself, that I know what I am doing, instead be in riddled with anxiety about getting to the next two weeks
Being terrified and with no one to turn to having to turn to God.
And realizing how long it has been since I have truly done that
Having two weeks to come face-to-face with who I have become and if that is who I want to be
Confronted with an intellect that has caused me to walk away from a faith that has saved me
How to reconcile two years of wandering
What does it look like to come back after all that time?
And more than that how to humble myself to admitting that I need that. To stop pretending and turn to face my maker
What will that look like? Without a bible with me will I really try or just feign attempts?
Will I be honest with myself and work at it?
Will I turn to those I love and ask for their help and be honest about my situation
No longer able to hide in school but pushed into this vast and foreboding world
Without a direction or an anchor
Too much change for this simple girl
Too scared at night laying in the silence of independence
I've got exactly what I want and I want to give it back
All talk but when the action time comes scared stiff and lonely.
It makes me realize how blessed I have been with the small but incredible group of people I have in my life.
