Far away and rather confused

Sitting in Montana with no cell reception and so unable to call any friends and talk about about today.
I took a big step today and asked a guy I was interested out to coffee. And it was terrifying and I am still over thinking it and worrying about too much being read into it or what not. I am supposed to be an independent, confident woman and I am losing it over this. Just wish I could call someone and giggle and over analyze because getting lost in my head is never a good idea 

Changes

It was hard to drive away today, to watch as Lethbridge disappeared in my rear view mirror
I know I will be back again, but not as going home but as visiting an old home and some amazing friends
It hurt my heart and made me sad and nostalgic.
I don't know what to do without the people in my life just a short drive away. I miss them already
Being in Calgary tonight was fun, but it is also temporary until Europe. So much transition and so little time to process it. 

Miss you...

I can't sleep and I can't get you out of my head and I hate this. I hate missing you, and I hate that I still miss you even though you aren't even the same person

I just miss you and your companionship. I miss your texts where you used my name, where you caught my eye when something funny was said.
When you asked me to save you seat and made sure to find me at the end of the event
Lunch on Sundays and coffee on weeknights
Making me dinner and watching TV
Running errands and late night drives
I miss talking to you about everyday things and every important thing
I miss your presence in my life

I hate how I perk up when I hear your name, and want to make sure you are doing okay
I hate how it breaks my heart that you are not doing okay
I hate knowing how much you helped me through life and now I don't know how to be there for you
I hate that I am up at 230am writing about you, when I haven't even seen you in months
I hate how much you have hurt me and how I still miss you

I hate that this is turning into some poem that sounds just like '10 Things I Hate About You'

Back to the Grind

I miss came. I am tired and melancholy. It was an exhausting week but so rejuvenating. I miss the people and the companionship we all shared. It is the knowledge that there are people I may never see again that makes me sad, or may only see once a year at camp. It is hard to keep in contact when we all live such different lives. Thrown together with a bunch of people you barely know, get to know each other and then leave a week later. I miss hysterical laughter and the river and the camp fire. It is my favourite place in the world but I only ever get to spend a week a year there. So much love poured out and received. My childhood years revolved around camp and in high school it saved me and brought me back to God.  So easy to laugh and hang out with people I didn't know a week ago. And now back to the real world, with technology and responsibilities and I want to go back to the bubble of camp. I know I can't live in that bubble, I just wish a week wasn't so quick. 

I always forget how much I love writing or that I am actually not to bad at it. And so as I get a little bit of that desire to write, why not come back to the place where so much of my life has been documented. I have started my university career here and as I come into my final semester this fall, I will bring this stage of my life to a close. I am scared and nervous and excited and overwhelmed and working through it all every day.