Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I have all these ideas swimming around in my head and I wish I could find a way to write them eloquently
But all these thoughts just overwhelm me sometimes
I have these moments of inspiration but they tend to come in the middle of class
I have moments of manic thoughts, when I am overcome by what it is I want to say, but by the time I get to a piece of paper, I have become so distracted by ten other thoughts that they never get to escape.
Seriously, if you could see the inside of my mind right now you would understand why I feel so crazy right now
But I don't see anything wrong with being crazy right now. I am loving it. I have decided to embrace this crazy and see where it takes me.
I have all these dreams and ideas coming to my head that one day I want to drop out of school and help people and the next day I want to go to class so I can be one step closer to getting where I need to go.
And once again this is not at all what I wanted to write about and to be honest I can't even remember what I was going to write about so I am just going to go with this.
I have all this passion right now, like overwhelming, can't contain even if I wanted to kind of passion. And I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with it. It is not the kind of joyful jump up and dance passion, but this deep burning in my soul that makes me want to change something.
And I think what I need to change right now is me.
As I have grown closer to God and walked more in his holiness I am becoming more aware of all the small areas of my life that I need to fix, all the refining that God still needs to do in my life.
And it is frustrating, because there is a lot of work left. Before I could see all the big things that he was removing from my life and that was great but not we are getting down to the details and they are frustrating. I mean these are my habits that don't glorify God, the parts of my that he never intended, the lies I still need to work out and the places where I need to be humbled. And it is really hard, I mean I don't even know where to begin changing things that I have been doing for as long as I can remember. But, at the end of the day it doesn't matter that I have no idea how I am ever going to accomplish any of this because I never could, only God can and that is why I am walking in his light. So as much as his light may highlight all my dirt, it also shows that I am one step closer to reflecting his glory in my life.
I honestly have no idea what I was going to write about and now I have that nagging feeling where I just want to figure it out. Maybe I just need to carry a notebook and write down all these thoughts as they enter my swirling brain. And maybe when I am in the middle of class I should just stop taking notes and start writing, because that is what I want to do but I always feel like that would be frowned upon.
Because right now I have about 3 different things I want to write about but I feel like I should leave them for another blog but then I worry that I will forget about them later. You see this is what the inside of my brain is like, ALL the time. It is a very confusing place to spend any amount of time trying to sort out.
Well I want to end off with one final thought. That our God is HUGE. I am talking heavens can't contain him. And I mean have you seen how big the known universe is? It's enormous, and that is only a fraction of what  is out there. I would just like to point out that the universe is infinite. Meaning that infinite amount of space can't contain God; try to wrap your head around that one. And while looking up fun universe facts I also discovered that there is an estimated 300 sextillion stars, and God has every single one named. That is a lot of stars. Does that not just blow your mind? Because it sure blows my mind and I become so overwhelmed with the magnitude of my God that there are not enough words to describe it. It just sends chills down my spine and this feeling in my soul when I remember that, this huge God is my father and loves me personally.


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