Thursday, March 26, 2015

Open Wounds

I feel like I've spend my whole life being picked at, prodded and asked to change
To act, look, talk and be a certain way
To stand a little taller, to try a little harder
To alter myself a little bit every day until I don't recognize who I am and who I wanted to be
I don't know the difference between a word of kind guidance and another pick away at who I am. I can't tell and so I don't know how to not be on the defense. I hate when people talk about me and tell me things to change. It confirms my own suspicions that I'll never quite reach anyone's expectations
I take up too much space. The size of my body and personality are just too much. Could I just be a little bit smaller and sensitive to the needs of others. Could I stop taking up so much of everyone else's space with my passion, with my harsh and loud voice.
Could I wear a bit more make up, lose a bit more weight, eat a little less chocolate. Could I just try a little harder.
Could I be a little smarter, school isn't that hard.
Get a better job, look at everyone one else, why can't you find a good paying job, just ignore your desires and go for the money.
I try so hard to be someone I can look back on and be proud of. I try to hold my head in confidence. But I feel like an open sore just trying to heal. Over sensitive and taking everything that is said to heart. When I take a step forward I feel ripped open again. Feel like all my insecurities are one big sore, all connected and hurting, with no room to heal. 

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