Don't Read Between the Lines

I thought this would be easy, it was all worked out and I was good to go
Freedom was mine to claim and life was moving forward
But it hasn't been, we had our moment but I am left in the same place
Left knowing that this is something I need to work for
Something that is going to take so much time
I just want to sleep, to be able to lose myself in the oblivion of nothingness
I never asked for these insecurities and these doubts
These constant swirling thoughts of what my true meaning is and what my purpose is on this earth
But here I am up too late once again, pondering everything and doubting it all
And you may come and ask for my reasons why and I don't have any
There is honestly no explanation for why this is
All I know is this is who I have always been
I am a constant extreme
There is either one or the other: joy or hurt, black or white
I don't see grey and that scares me as much as it bothers you
You listen to me ramble as I list off the reasons that I think you want to hear and I know you question
My honesty and why I am the way I am
But I don't know the answers to the questions you ask and if you have to ask the question then you don't deserve the answer anyway
Sometimes I don't want to have to make sure you understand
I want to just be and know that, that is all that matters
I desire to be more then a midnight text when I have the information you need or the perspective you desire
I want more then something private, I desire to be able to talk openly
I don't like the out that texting gives, the ability to hide behind some words and not be face to face honest
I want to be understood, that through my half finished sentances you are able to feel what I feel
Because I feel your hurt and I ache for you, I cry for you
I don't want to worry about whether or not everything is okay between us, I want simplicity
I want you to be able to read my face and know something is wrong
That you will ask me a question and just listen to the answer, even if that answer is longer than anticipated
Even if it means taking longer then expected to get somewhere, even if it means sitting in a parking lot for longer then anticipated
I want to be with you and not worry about your expectations
I need facts sometimes, not just feelings
And I need protection, I need you to want to protect me from hurt
You probably think this is about you and parts of it are but it is about so many different people that does it really matter? If you try to figure out when I am talking about you won't you just walk away hurt and disapointed? So don't try to see accusations where they aren't, don't try to find condemnation where it doesn't exist. As you try to read between the lines why not just move on and let this be what it is, if I don't want to explain why bother pushing it? If I want to be cryptic is that not my choice on my blog?
So just let me be me, let me have my complexities and confusion and when I want to tell you I will. Shouldn't the only thing that matters be the fact that I care for you deeply, that I love you and our friendship, that even when I doubt I know that God has put you in my life for a reason.