This is the part where it is supposed to turn around
It is a well-oiled machine, it has been around for a while and served it's purpose quite well
But this time it has failed
It has gotten stuck and has looped the same moment over and again
I know it is up to me to get the machine going again and be moving on
But I just can't be bothered
I have been presented with more opportunities than I can count
But I have chosen not to take them for reasons that are even beyond me
Honestly, passed all the BS and passive, cryptic talk
I have no motivation
And when I say that I mean that it is a feat to even get out of bed in the morning let alone do something to try to fix the mess of a life I am living right now
I can barely even manage to maintain a decent conversation with one person let alone a whole group
Especially when I am expected to be the way they want
I can barely be civil with some of my closest friends
And I know what is about to be said
Well you've gotten out of this before you can do it again
And as has been haunting me, 'You said no more apathy and look at what you are doing now'
Well I would try to fix my life but I am too tired
And so the solution would be to go to bed at a reasonable hour
Which would be nice if I wasn't such an insomniac
And what makes me an insomniac is stress and when I don't sleep I become more stressed turning into a very vicious cycle until I will eventually collapse into a quivering heap
I don't even know what is supposed to be written here
I wanted to be creative but that is just too hard
And I wanted this to be about God and my desire to be closer to him but I don't even know if that is what I desire right now
I feel like it would just be completing the cycle of me growing apathetic and then realizing for the millionth time that I need God, which I have been aware of this whole time, and running back to his arms once again riddled with guilt over my ridiculous back and forth attitude.
So this time I am just aimlessly wandering around wondering what to do and hoping my entire life does not fall apart because I can't deal with that right now
Because this isn't high school anymore, I can't afford to fall apart for a semester and have my grades go to crap, I actually have to do well and need motivation if I want to do anything with my life
But that is a completely different and slight irrelevant topic
It is a well-oiled machine, it has been around for a while and served it's purpose quite well
But this time it has failed
It has gotten stuck and has looped the same moment over and again
I know it is up to me to get the machine going again and be moving on
But I just can't be bothered
I have been presented with more opportunities than I can count
But I have chosen not to take them for reasons that are even beyond me
Honestly, passed all the BS and passive, cryptic talk
I have no motivation
And when I say that I mean that it is a feat to even get out of bed in the morning let alone do something to try to fix the mess of a life I am living right now
I can barely even manage to maintain a decent conversation with one person let alone a whole group
Especially when I am expected to be the way they want
I can barely be civil with some of my closest friends
And I know what is about to be said
Well you've gotten out of this before you can do it again
And as has been haunting me, 'You said no more apathy and look at what you are doing now'
Well I would try to fix my life but I am too tired
And so the solution would be to go to bed at a reasonable hour
Which would be nice if I wasn't such an insomniac
And what makes me an insomniac is stress and when I don't sleep I become more stressed turning into a very vicious cycle until I will eventually collapse into a quivering heap
I don't even know what is supposed to be written here
I wanted to be creative but that is just too hard
And I wanted this to be about God and my desire to be closer to him but I don't even know if that is what I desire right now
I feel like it would just be completing the cycle of me growing apathetic and then realizing for the millionth time that I need God, which I have been aware of this whole time, and running back to his arms once again riddled with guilt over my ridiculous back and forth attitude.
So this time I am just aimlessly wandering around wondering what to do and hoping my entire life does not fall apart because I can't deal with that right now
Because this isn't high school anymore, I can't afford to fall apart for a semester and have my grades go to crap, I actually have to do well and need motivation if I want to do anything with my life
But that is a completely different and slight irrelevant topic
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