Wow, what a day I had yesterday, completely knocked off my feet.
It was one of those days that had excellent beginnings, great way to end a week. Got a midterm back, did decently well on it and then last class of the day, 50 min until the weekend and I was just destroyed.
Got a midterm back, got a 48% one it, this huge F just glaring at me, I did not know how to deal with that.
I sat there in stunned silence, trying to hold back the tears until I could get somewhere private.
Got home with plans to study all evening, but I had this nagging in my head that the only way I was going to deal with this was to read my bible.
So I let myself sit on the floor and cry, I was devastated Then I put on my nastiest, but comfiest sweats, grabbed my bible and opened it up. And I opened it to the next chapter I was supposed to read, and it happened to Esther. Almost like God had planned it. One of my favourite books and stories in the bible, one that truly talks about trusting God with your life and knowing it is only in him will we see his plans come to fruition.
I prayed and realized how badly I am trying to do this on my own. I feel this weight about all I have to do, getting into the education program and proving to myself that I am smart enough to be in university. Apparently God did not like this attitude. And so when I finally become a good student also happens to be the first time I fail something. It didn't fit into my plan, my overwhelming need I feel to bring up my GPA. Silly me, thinking God was going to let me do this on my own. No, I need to humble myself and realize that even if I don't have the grades, God will get me into the program I need to be in and the places I need to go. I need to let this worry go and that is a difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around. Something I am struggling to get into my head and my heart.
And with that mentality my entire evening turned around. The sadness left me and I was able to enjoy some good times with friends, laughing off the grade and realizing I can do this, but not on my own.
I am so thankful for that whisper that I listened to and read my bible and was productive. God used this opportunity to prove two things to me. One: That only in his strength am I going to accomplish anything and I need to humble myself to him. And Two: That I am capable of being the positive person he has intended for me. That I can move past sadness with him and there is no need for me to linger, he can pull me out of anything and put me on my feet, but I have to listen to him.
It was one of those days that had excellent beginnings, great way to end a week. Got a midterm back, did decently well on it and then last class of the day, 50 min until the weekend and I was just destroyed.
Got a midterm back, got a 48% one it, this huge F just glaring at me, I did not know how to deal with that.
I sat there in stunned silence, trying to hold back the tears until I could get somewhere private.
Got home with plans to study all evening, but I had this nagging in my head that the only way I was going to deal with this was to read my bible.
So I let myself sit on the floor and cry, I was devastated Then I put on my nastiest, but comfiest sweats, grabbed my bible and opened it up. And I opened it to the next chapter I was supposed to read, and it happened to Esther. Almost like God had planned it. One of my favourite books and stories in the bible, one that truly talks about trusting God with your life and knowing it is only in him will we see his plans come to fruition.
I prayed and realized how badly I am trying to do this on my own. I feel this weight about all I have to do, getting into the education program and proving to myself that I am smart enough to be in university. Apparently God did not like this attitude. And so when I finally become a good student also happens to be the first time I fail something. It didn't fit into my plan, my overwhelming need I feel to bring up my GPA. Silly me, thinking God was going to let me do this on my own. No, I need to humble myself and realize that even if I don't have the grades, God will get me into the program I need to be in and the places I need to go. I need to let this worry go and that is a difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around. Something I am struggling to get into my head and my heart.
And with that mentality my entire evening turned around. The sadness left me and I was able to enjoy some good times with friends, laughing off the grade and realizing I can do this, but not on my own.
I am so thankful for that whisper that I listened to and read my bible and was productive. God used this opportunity to prove two things to me. One: That only in his strength am I going to accomplish anything and I need to humble myself to him. And Two: That I am capable of being the positive person he has intended for me. That I can move past sadness with him and there is no need for me to linger, he can pull me out of anything and put me on my feet, but I have to listen to him.
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