Inspiration is hard to come by

Even when my mind is full of thoughts they just don't always go well on paper. As I talk to people living their dream I am so happy for them, but as happy as I am there is this part of me that just wants to sit down and have a good cry. I feel my heart at war as I feel joy for them, but I feel envy rear its ugly head as I wish I could be living my dream. It's a yearning deep in my soul to be helping others, to be with those kids that I see everynight in my dreams. I crave to hold them in my arms and be in the place of my dreams. To feel the peace that nothing else can bring me. To feel joy I haven't felt in months. As much as I love where I am now and feel the peace of being in the right place, I know that I will never feel the rightness that I feel when I am loving kids and being a light in their lives. I miss that deep joy but I know that I need patience to get to the end of this road. It may take years to really learn this patience, but I know God is infinitely more patient that I can ever be.