This is my Proclamation

Saturday would have been 2 years.
2 years of resisting temptation, of not falling prey to the lies
But instead I was overwhelmed, I collapsed under the pressure of the darkness
But something was different this time around. I opened up. I didn't deal with the guilt alone. I found out that there were people around me that I could talk to without condemnation.
My prayer of having people in my life who will stand with me has been answered.
6 years since I first cried out and my prayer has been answered
God has given me people I can be honest with, that I can lean and be leaned on
Throughout the years of heartbreak and darkness I always felt so alone
Until the day when I went on a drive in the fog and found someone who would listen
Until I was lying on the floor shaking uncontrollably, unable to stand on my own anymore and there was someone there for me
I held out always searching for that person that would hold my hand and I thought I had found them only to find God put the people I least expected into my life.
This small city which I held in contempt for keeping me away from my dreams has proved to be the place of healing.
God works in the most unexpected places.
Time and time again he tells me to wait on him and his plans and I always think I know better and he always shows me different
I sit there shaking my head at the people in the bible who fall time and time again even after God has done incredible miracles in their lives.
And then I look back at my life and all that has happened and the cycle that is sin and redemption.
And I can't believe that even after all God has done in my life I was still able to question God's plan for my life.
That I still had the audacity to ask him what he was doing and why.
I'm not that different from the Israelites.
I can't wait for the day when I can bow down at the feet of God and weep with Joy knowing that he was willing to accept me into his home and wipe me clean of all I have done and all I have said against him.
I can't comprehend that kind of forgiveness and all I can do is embrace it.
I don't have the right to bring up the past that God has forgiven me of. To re hash everything that he has set me free of. I can use my testimony to help others but I am done feeling guilty about things that are in the past.
My list of sins will be erased. I am not going to be held hostage by a past that I can not change. I am not going to be held hostage by the shame of my past. I am going to shout from the rooftops all that God has saved me from.
I am done skirting around the issues of my depression, my relationships, my impurities, my self harm.
I am not going to be controlled by the devil's hand anymore.
I am proclaiming FREEDOM in this place tonight.
Whoever cares to judge me will not be my concern. I need to worry about the people who love me, not the ones who are going to bind me to my scars.
I am done being scared of what others think of me.
I am terrified to post this and all I have written but fear will not control my life.
I am done asking questions and struggling with the answers.
I am not going to question my creator any longer.