Hello Old Friend

Today we met again, we sat and I just stared at you.
I held you in my hand and realized all you had to offer me.
All the freedom you could bring, the comfort of familiarity.
You would have helped me find release.
In all honesty, I missed you.
You remind me of a time that felt safer, when I was in control
When I knew where the boundaries were because I had created them
When I could breath knowing that my emotions were in check and my walls were standing strong.
But old friend, I didn't fall prey to those desires
I set you on top of my bible and looked at both my options.
I saw the easy way and the hard way and it was up to me to chose.
I could chose you or God.
I had the choice between control and love
Between release and grace
I sat and realized all you had to offer was a lie.
All that control was never mine. I had been manipulated time and again.
I think about walls I had and I also have to remember the distance from those around me
So old friend, I put you away. I made the decision to take the harder route, but the one with love.
The route with the light at the end of the tunnel
So, goodbye old friend, I hope to never meet again